


In Which Karkat And Kankri Are Oblivious Assholes And They Just Need To Shut Up And Kiss Already

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual Character, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, No porn sorry, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Second Person, bluh idk, lots of fluff uvu, yeah this is based off of my headcannons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:00:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri likes Karkat. And Karkat likes Kankri. But, they're not known as the most dramatic out of their friends for nothing, so things get complicated. </p><p>Dave and Kanaya decide to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a series of headcannons i have, and i dunno, i've been meaning to write some vantascest for a while now. Might do captorcest next...

_When you met Kankri Vantas at first, he didn't seem like a complete Asshole. He was walking through the dreambubbles in that stupid fuzzy red sweater, head bent and red tears falling down his face. You don't remember much, other than the fact that you thought it was just you seeing your future self and that you didn't want to talk to him. But, like the idiot you were, you decided to talk to him anyway._

_You walked up to him when he sat down on a golden bench. He was curled up in a tight ball, muttering to himself and crying softly. you walked up to him and tapped on his shoulder. "Excuse me, mister, why are you crying?" you asked. He looked up at you cautiously with blank white eyes, and they scared you a little bit. He wiped his eyes and stood up. He was taller than you by a long shot. You realized he couldn't be an older version of you because he was neater, more groomed. He laughed silently and said:_

_"hey, you're a cute little kid, aren't you? What's your name?" You thought about telling him for a minute, because you aren't fucking stupid and Crabdad has told you on multiple occasions never to talk to strangers, but this guy seemed trustworthy._

_"My name is Karkat Vantas! What's your name, stranger?" The man seemed a little shocked at this for a second, but he composed himself. He sure was weird._

_"My name is Kankri, and i suspect we will be meeting soon. When you are older. It was nice to meet you, little Karkat" He ruffled your hair and smiled warmly. You decided you liked Kankri, he didn't seem to want to cull you like all the mean older people. Also, his sweater was in your blood color. Did that mean something?_

_He begins to walk away. "But you didn't tell me why you were crying!" You shout, running and trying to keep up with him. He turns around and smiles at you sadly._

_"Some day you will figure it out, but not today. See you soon, young Karkat" He says and walks away._

That was 10 years ago.

-

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have just woken up from a strange dream. Well, a repeat of a dream. You are often plagued by this certain dream because you really wanted to know who that person was. But now that alternia was gone, you might never know.

You glance at your clock and notice that you should have been awake hours ago. Gogdamnit. You quickly throw on your black sweater and skinny jeans and make a lousy attempt to brush your hair by running your fingers through it but failing miserably as it flops right back in place. Oh well. You quickly run out of your bedroom, strange dream already forgotten.

Soon you were in the common room, panting for breath. Stupid room being too far away. Kanaya and Rose were sitting together and skimming over a long novel. Kanaya sees you and wave you over. "Oh, good morning Karkat! Could you come over here for a moment?"

You walk over to the table they were at and pick up a mug of coffee from the human coffee machine. "what's up?" You ask and sit down next to rose. Rose warmly smiles and grabs Kanayas hand. You try to brush of a twinge of jealousy, seeing those two together and _so happy_. You wish you had someone like that.

"Kanaya and i were just discussing some things that we thought you might like to see" Rose says politely. It's amazing how alike she and Kanaya are. 

"Sure. It's not like i had anything better to do anyway" You mutter and set your coffee mug down on the table. Ah, sweet coffee, what would the world do without you? Kanaya seems to hear your bitterness and clears her throat.

"Well, we learned some things about our session, well, the one we are headed to currently." she says casually. "Well, we learned things about that session that we could mirror towards our session that we had never known about. Like, say... a scratch perhaps?" You look at her with interest.

"But we never activated a scratch. Our session was fucking perfect until some certain humans came along and jacked it up" Kanaya nods earnestly.

"Yes, but what if we weren't the FIRST alternian session? Like, what if we were the result of a scratch session and we never knew because our guardians were actually scratched?" 

"I never thought of it that way..." You trail off and look toward the door. At that moment, Terezi and Gamzee walk in hand in hand, (probably crushing the life out of each other like regular kismesis would) and you quickly turn around. Terezi was kind of a sore subject for you currently. 

"I know, but Kanaya will not listen to me when i remind her that you guys were raised by, well, animals" Rose chimes in. Terezi overhears, walking over towards you guys and giggling.

"Silly humans, did you not know that we did have alternian lineage somewhere along the line? What, did you think that grubs just appeared out of thin air? Well, we did, we were alchemized, right? But didn't Karkles make extra versions of us? Well, if we were to link it to your session even more, we could say that those were our alternian ancestors. And that would also mean that they would be the session before us, if there even was one. And that would mean that we would be the ancestors in their session!" She exclaims with a laugh. You look down at your lap in self pity even though you know that self pity is fucking stupid and no one's gonna notice and if you don't say anything and No one's gonna feel sorry for you anyway. 

"Well that would make sense" Rose nods her head and you just want to leave, which is a new record for you. This is the shortest time you've been able to stand these assholes. You contemplate running out when Strider walks up. Yep, that just puts the icing on top of the asshole cake. you stand up to leave, excusing yourself and take off down the hall before the asshat can make his next move. You just can't take any more of this shit. You just want to curl up and die. Soon, before you know it, you're asleep on your bed.

-

You wake up in a memory of Prospit. Well, at least you think it's a memory, seeing as you're not wearing prospitan clothes and all versions of Prospit had been destroyed. This version looked slightly different from your version, though. Could it possibly be the human's version? Did that mean tat Egbert or Harley had been here recently? You wanted to talk to them- they might understand what you're going through.

you decide to walk around to see if you could run into the humans or your dead friends. Or sollux. fuck it all, you just needed SOMEONE other than the assholes on the meteor. You feel tears falling down your face, and you think fuck, i've made it to my breaking point. 

You just walk around, crying, until you come to a familiar setting. "Where have i seen this before..." you ask yourself and look around. You distinctly remember that you woke up on prospit once, but you were only in a golden room that resembled your room and you died. So how could you have seen this place?

Then you hear crying in the distance. You turn to see a familiar figure in a red sweater sitting on a bench and crying. Then it hits you- your dream. You had met this person in a dream and then you had dreamed about that meeting for years. you had hoped to meet that mysterious person but those hopes vanished the first time you actually gave it thought while you were playing the game. Now you were going to meet him. Wow he cried a lot. 

"Excuse me, but why are you crying?" you ask, tapping him on the shoulder. He looks up at you with those blank white eyes and you can sense surprise from him. He wipes his eyes and stands up. Now he's not much taller than you.

"You are crying as well, i see no need to be concerned for me when you are facing problems of your own," He says politely, offering you a handkerchief. You shyly accept it, looking at your feet. This was the first time you noticed his tears were the same color as yours. As if reading your thoughts, he comments "Pardon me for asking, and feel free to tell me if i am triggering you, but does your blood color happen to be candy red?"

"Y-yeah, it does... Is yours the same?" you ask nervously. Just because you're older doesn't mean this guy intimidates you any less.

"Yes, mine happens to share the same mutation as yours. My name is Kankri, it is nice to meet you" He says, holding out his hand. You just stare at it blankly. He notices you and blushes, putting his hand down back at his side like offering it was a stupid idea. 

"Do you remember me at all? My name is Karkat, and i met you when i was almost three sweeps old, and you told me we would meet later on...?" you ask hesitantly. You might have just imagined him but you wanted to ask in case the two of you really met.

He perked up instantly. "you're little Karkat? Wow, you grew up quite a lot! I thought i would never get the chance to see you! I'm Kankri, and i'm your ancestor. Well, not ancestor exactly, the scratch version of the person who you called your ancestor, if you even believed in them, i know most people did not... but anyway, i'm your ancestor and in my session, you were mine! What would you call that exactly..." He trails off and you roll your eyes. You can already tell you are going to hate this guy. Great. 

"Yes, i'm 'little Karkat' the same guy that you met sweeps ago. And secondly, how the hell could you be my ancestor? I didn't even know you guys were real, and if you were, didn't you die as an adult? Unless you really were from the scratch. Then that;s just fucking confusing." Kankri stiffens and glares at you. "What?" you ask and shrug your shoulders.

"Karkat, i would appreciate it if you didn't use such triggering language around me, seeing as i do not agree with using such profanities at your age, or any age as a matter of fact. I find it rather vulgar and inappropriate. Of course, if you prefer using it, you should just be mindful of my triggers and refrain from using it around me. Anywhere else is fine. And yes, i am the scratch version of your ancestor. I believe you knew him as the signless, or the sufferer? As for you in my universe, you were known as the cancerous, your name differing from the traditional eight letter ancestor name. You were a great leader, and many looked up to you until you were killed by your moirail, who's name i am not aware of. Although i DO know that you and him were moirails in your session, as well." He notices you have grown more and more angry and the mention of Gamzee. "Oh, did i trigger you? Should I call said moirail for you?" Gog, he would not SHUT UP?

You clench your fists and do all you can to not shout in his face. "He and i aren't moirails anymore, thank you very much for bringing that up. He and i broke up after he became too involved with his kismesis, _Pyrope-_ " you spit, noticing Kankri's distaste at that and do a mental happy dance and continue: "and did i ask you for a lecture? No, i did not. So, therefore, i do not want a lecture on whatever the hell triggers are-" cringe. "And i would like to be on my way now. I have met you, and therefore i do not need nor do i want to meet you again. Good day." You say and turn to walk away until Kankri walks in front of you and stops you. Great, he was one of those PERSISTENT lecturers. 

"Now, i know my lect- ahem, conversations come off as long and boring, but i only wish to spread the knowledge that i think everyone should posses and if they had it, they might be able to create a more peaceful environment for everyone to be able to coexist in. Now, if you would let me continue..." He begins and you begin to space out. If he was going to be persistent, you might as well go along with it and at least pretend to listen. You knew enough about people to understand that he wasn't trying to piss you off, or even aware of the fact, he really was just trying to 'talk'. 

Gog, you feel so sleepy, you might just... fall asleep...

-

Hours later, or at least you assume it's been hours, because Kankri is still talking to you but there are actually people walking around now because the sun started setting when a tall girl wearing a teal bodysuit and red sunglasses that remind you distinctly of Terezi walks up and begins talking to Kankri. You only catch snippets of the conversation, but none of it makes sense until Kankri turns to you with a regretful expression on his face. "I apologize for cutting our conversation short, Karkat, but i appears i have some very pressing matters to attend to that cannot be avoided. I hope we meet again soon." He says plainly and walks away with the Pyrope Look-alike. 

Then the girl named Meenah comes up and pushes you down the flight of stairs. "Ow, what the fuck are you doing?" You shout, hoping not to attract the insufferable again. 

She puts a finger to her lips and begins pushing you faster, towards the memory door you made earlier. "We're getting away from Kranki" She whispers and pushes you in front of the door. "Now, be a good little buoy and open it if you want to get away from him with your sanity still intact" you quickly open the door and run off, yelling a quick thanks and heading to the memory of your hive, where you can hide.


	2. In which there is Ramen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets caught in the rain and has to find a place to stay during the night... from Kankri's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ramen.

It had only been five minutes. Five minutes since you realized what had just happened; but in those five short minutes you feel like you had gotten a lot smarter. It wasn't just the fact that Karkat had run off like you had the human disease called "rabies" but the fact that your so called family was the one running away. And even though you had only known the younger Vantas for a short while, you felt...

You didn't know what you felt. 

-

That night you stumbled into your hive in the dark and tripped over your coffee table before your eyes adjusted to the dark and you managed to find the light switch. Biting your lip to hold back some obscenities from flying out of your mouth, you head to the kitchen and prepare your dinner. Because you can't cook, it's usually just ramen or leftovers from when Porrim cooked for you. 

You began humming to yourself as you began boiling the water and catch yourself by surprise- why had you been humming? Usually you were in a bad mood either from Mituna being a Spaz or Meulin continuously pestering you to find out who your matesprit or flushcrush was (even after you specifically told her you were a cellibate- gog sometimes she could be rather dense for your tastes but she was the sweetest person on beforus) or even when you caught sight of Latula with Mituna. So why had you just been humming? Nothing good came out of today...

Other than the fact that you finally met Karkat in person. "Ahh..." Your face suddenly becomes hot, remembering your encounter. Of all the times to meet, and he had to meet you the two times you were crying. Sweet jegus now he probably thought you were a crybaby wimp, if he hadn't when you first met. You stare off into space for so long you don't even notice that the ramen was overflowing.

After that embarrassing moment (you were quite glad that no one had been there to notice it) you settle down on your couch and begin to eat after turning on a movie. You had no table so often you ate on your couch unless Porrim or another guest was there, although it was usually Porrim, and then you would pull out your fold-able picnic table and apologize profusely for being so informal. People were usually surprised after seeing this display; you guess it was because you were often depicted as the formal type even though that was not true. 

Anyway! You have put on one of your favorite movies, _Romeo and Juliet_ and had settled down with your dinner and were comfortably lounging and relaxing when you hear a long string of swear words from outside your window. "Stupid fucking... which gogdamned wriggler pansy decided that it could rain in dreambubbles? Whoever did, they're going to get a fistful of Vantas!"

"Karkat?" You say to yourself, not daring to peek out the window in case he couldn't see you clearly and thought you were some kind of pervert. You didn't know what set him off or triggered him since he hadn't told you earlier this afternoon, so it was best to be careful and not make him angry. (Even though it was always angry, you think and roll your eyes before remembering that no one was around to see and even if they were they wouldn't be able to tell what you are doing. Ahh, the perks of being dead)

You were about to ignore it when he pound on your door and you freeze in terror. Why did he have to choose your door to knock on? You were only in your pajamas and your hive was rather messy, this was not a good place to meet right now! "Hello, is anyone here? I would knock on another door but i can't last another fucking minute out here in the rain... ah what the hell this is probably just a hive memory and not even real, i should just go somewhere else. Thanks for wasting my time, empty hive!" He banged on the door one last time and you decided to be nice and let him in.

"Well it's not like i could have made it right as you knocked on the door Karkat, i was rather preoccupied when you came and i had to gather my things before letting you in. So, are you going to come in, or did i do that five minute cleaning for nothing?" You say dryly and roll your eyes a little bit before stopping yourself, remembering that you don't have regular eyes like him and he can't see that.

He narrows his eyes at you and begins to turn around. "Did you just roll your eyes at me? whatever, i just realized staying at your house isn't worth it. I'd rather catch a cold..." He says boredly and begins walking in the other direction.

"Wait" You say and grab his arm and stop him.

"What the fuck do you want? In case you didn't notice, i was just going to saunter off and miserably torture myself so i didn't have to endure your stupid speeches and rants over and over again. It's just not worth it, so thank you very much" He says and begins walking away. That insult should have hurt you, but instead it didn't. They were just like all the others, adding up and threatening to break the fucking dam. 

You've had enough

And you're going to show them that you aren't just the talkative emotionless asshole they think you are.

"You think i don't know that?" You shout, gritting teeth, fists down at your sides and clenched so hard you feel blood. Karkat Stops and stares at you, but you don't give a single fuck. "I know what you assholes think of me, and did you ever think that i want to change myself? SO YOU CAN JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF IT THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK OF ME! I KNOW IM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT BUT I DON'T NEED YOU RUBBING IT IN MY FACE AND YOU CAN JUST LEAVE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK OF ME! GO AHEAD, SEE IF EVER GIVE A SHIT!" You feel like an immature wriggler, but those words needed to be said. You just needed to get them off your back. Karkat is looking at you like you're a madman and you can hear footsteps in the distance but

you

don't

care.

"Now if you excuse me, i'll just leave." You say and wipe your eyes. Karkat just stares at you and you see his eyes getting misted over with her tears. You wan't to feel bad for him but you're too upset and broken to care about anything right now. That's when It's karkat's turn to grab your wrist and he pulls you into a tight hug. You only thing you can think right now is what the fuck? When he begins talking.

"I used to think the same thing about myself... i had no idea you felt that way about yourself too... i'm sorry" He whispers. That last part is almost too quiet to hear, but you catch it anyway. Karkat was sorry? You dry your eyes again and sniffle.

"Well then, do you want to come into my house?" You ask softly and he nods. Maybe this won't be so bad after all...

-

"--And then Megido suggests that we have a fucking corpse party! I mean, what the everloving hell is a corpse party? And then Strider and Pyrope begin talking about death and cotton candy! How the hell did that happen? I mean one minute, we were fighting for our lives and in the next minute, we're talking about fucking sweets!" Karkat shouts, waving his hands in the air as an exasperated expression. You nod agreeably and reach for the popcorn.

Despite what either of you thought, the both of you had really hit it off and right now you were having a feelings Jam on your carpet. You were lying on your back on the bottom, Karkat's head resting on your chest. You were both eating Popcorn, one of the many troll delicacies. "I completely understand. It's like, no one will ever take you seriously as a leader and it begins to upset you until you just kind of reach your breaking point..." You say, slowly realizing that was exactly what you had done earlier today. 

"I know, right? And then I asked sollux if he would stay because he's the only fucking sane one out of all of us, and then he decides to go with Aradia! I was hoping i would see him today, but i guess it just wasn't going to happen..." He says and then realizes what he's said. "Not that i'm not having a good time, i just-" he begins, but you stop him.

"I understand. So tell me about this Sollux guy. Were you close to him? I was certainly never close to my Captor." You say and Karkat snatches the bowl of popcorn from your hands and whispers 'victory' before starting.

"Sollux and i were... well, we were in sort of a weird relationship. Well, not a relationship exactly... it sort of seems like we flipped from red to black feelings. Most of the time, we were at each other's throats but in the next minute we would be pink, and it was the most confusing thing ever. But still, he was the closest person to me in the world." He looked towards the window. It had stopped raining a while ago but the two of you had stayed inside. It was really nice, just sitting around and _talking._ It was nice to even have people to stay around you and put up with you at all. 

"So you like this Sollux kid." You say and wiggle your eyebrows, a little thing you learnt from Cronus even if you didn't know exactly what it meant.

"No, and stop wiggling your eyebrows. It's disgusting, and i don't even know where someone like you picked that up from. I bet it was that sleazebag Ampora." He grunted.

"Actually, Cronus does it all the time to me, that you guessed correctly. And i still didn't hear a denial~" you say. You might be acting a little weird, but you don't really care. This is the first time you had ever had someone to hang out with like this, and to just be happy. You feel your eyelids getting slowly heavier, and soon you succumb to sleep.


	3. In which Karkat is a tsundere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is being a tsundere. But there was no big surprise there, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, determination!

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have just woken up from a really good dream.

The shittiest thing though, is that you can't remember what happened. You tried to focus and see if you could get anything, but the only thing you can remember is the smell of thirty cent ramen, a red sweater, and a really shitty pillow fort. You also remember meeting another mutant blood- one like you.

Then it comes back to you. You got caught in the rain, and stayed at Kankri's house because you didn't want to get fucking soaked, even if it was only a dream. He let you in, and you guys actually got along pretty well. Once you got to know him, he actually wasn't that bad. And that he had actually listened to you rant and generally be yourself throughout the whole thing...

You shake your head as if to get the embarrassing thoughts out. He was your ancestor, and you had only met him once anyway. You pull on a jacket and walk out of your room, only to run into something hard and land on your ass. "Ow, what the hell? Watch where you're-" you say and rub your back when you stand up, until you notice that you ran into none other than Terezi.

"Ow, rude, Karkles! How about since you're the one that can see, you be the one to watch out?" She asks and doesn't bother helping you up. You notice she's clutching her arm to her chest, and her hair was messed up. There were smears of purple on her face, and it would take a brain dead idiot to tell who she had been with. She always been a little grumpy after disappearing off somewhere with Gamzee.

"Thanks for the help by the way, really appreciate it. Also, don't act like your blindness is a disability; you see the best out of all of us here." You snap and continue walking. Usually encounters between the two of you ended badly, and you were actually in a good mood before she came along. Something was different this time though- whenever you were around her, you felt like you wanted to punch a wall (as if you weren't a loser enough already) but this time you felt... Fine. If not grumpy from having just woken up.

You shake your head again and walk out to what everyone has come to call the "break room". No one was there except for Kanaya, who was humming while sewing something. You could hear Dave beat boxing in the distance. Kanaya notices you and looks up. "Did you sleep well, Karkat?" 

You huff and sit down next to her and she lets you lean on her shoulder, a familiar gesture. "Yeah, I slept well, I guess. I think I just needed to get away from everyone. And, surprise! Your theory on troll ancestors was right." Kanaya just nods and continues working, so you continue. "At first, he seemed like a total asshole- preaching everyone and acting all holier than thou, but once you get to know him, he's actually really nice. I actually like him- not in a flushed way- but in a pale way, and we've only met once. He'll probably think I'm a weird pervert or something, but-" you say, but Kanaya puts a finger to your lips and you stop.

"Shhhhhh. I'm sure you'll find it all out eventually. I know I did with rose, and I'm sure you can figure it out too." She said, and you blush furiously.

"Kanaya, it's not a romance thing, I told you! It's complicated!" You shout and she laughs, making you blush harder. You are sure that your face is already as red as a fucking human tomato. She then begins to speak again.

"Karkat, I believe you are what the humans would call a tsundere." 

"What the fuck is a tsundere?" You ask and cover your face with your hand, even though you know it will do nothings this whole damn conversation was a mistake and you already regret starting it. 

"A tsundere is a person who acts all tough and moody, when they are actually really sweet and caring on the inside. An example would be when a person likes you, they wouldn't admit it, and they would constantly deny liking the person." She says and holds up a dress for you to look at. "Do you think rose will like this?"

You not, even though you know jack shit about dresses. You only know that rose likes wearing them and that Kanaya tried putting one on you once- that was not a pleasant experience for anyone. "Well, that might be accurate..." You say. You're feeling a little better now.

"So when are you going to see him again?" She asks, and you feel ready to flip your shit, but being the fucking incredible person you are, your shit remains unflipped on the griddle, and slowly burns until it shrivels and burns to dust. 

She looks at you as if waiting for an answer, making you sigh and look away. "Soon, I guess..."

-

Your name is KANKRI VANTAS and you are currently sitting in a field with Meulin and Porrim, and they are trying to engage you in a conversation.

After your run in with Karkat, you felt a little off. Porrim and Meulin tried to get you to come out of your quiet hive for an afternoon of exploring the dreambubble. You hastily accepted, and the three of you had been roaming around until you found a large meadow and they decided to sit down for a break. Your thoughts had been wandering around until Porrim pulled you back into reality by poking you with a rather sharp stick.

"Is there something you require of me...?" You ask and rub the sore spot where Porrim poked you irritably. You unlike most trolls, you bruised easily.

"We were wondering if purrhaps mew would like to tell us what's bothering you, Kankritter!" Meulin said and smiled. The two of them were in the process of making Daisy chains and they had made one really long, continuing one. You shake your head. No matter how many times you tried to think of something else, your mind seems to focus on only one person. A person who happens to be short, loves romcoms, and has a really low patience level.

"Nothing is bothering me, but thank you for taking your time and asking me if I was." You say bluntly and go back to picking at the grass near you. Meulin, however, does not buy it and tries to put a daisy chain on top of your head. You say nothing in response.

Meulin sits back down on her bottom, her lips forming a pout and her arms crossed over her chest. "Are mew sure you're okay, Kankritter? You don't seem so fine to me." She says in a sulky tone. You nod your head absentmindedly. 

Porrim looks at you in a weird way, like a mixture of pity and confusion. "Kanny, you can say you're okay all you want but we both know that that is complete and utter bullshit." She says and crosses her arms in a motherly way. You shake your head again and blush a little bit. Why were you so out of it? You take a moment to mentally compose yourself and your thought before saying anything.

"I thank you both for asking, but there is no need to concern yourselves. It is merely a headache, is all. Once I feel better I shall be my normal self again. Now if you may excuse me, I think I need to take a nap." You mumble and stand up, dusting the dirt off of your sweater and jeans and begin walking back toward your hive memory to get something to eat.

It's been five days (at least, to your knowledge. It's not exactly like you have properly functioning clocks in your dreambubble) since Karkat came to visit and your mind is still hooked on him. You have tried to get him out of your head, but it hasn't worked. Maybe it was because he showed you compassion, or because he listened to you for longer than anyone else? You weren't naive- you knew he had only hung out with you because he had nowhere else to go, but...

You stop and realize that you had been so deep in thought that you passed your hive. Way to go, vantas, you think to yourself as you turn around and head in the other direction. As if you weren't enough of a klutz.

You walk in and take off your red boots and put them in front of the couch. You felt bored- you had watched all your movies and you had read all of your books countless times over. There was nothing to do in the afterlife after a couple thousand sweeps and you had read all of your books and watched all of your movies. A while back you had started writing a novel about the game for anyone who needed the information, but you guess you had neglected it. 

You turn to where your laptop was sitting on the cluttered coffee table and boot it up. The computer engines always made a loud buzzing noise because it was so old but other than that it ran fine. You open up the document with your book on it when you hear a knock at the door.

"Coming!" You shout and run to open it, almost cursing as you trip over one of your boots. When you open the door, you are surprised to see Karkat staring at you angrily.

"Well, are you gonna let me in or not?"

-

Despite what you first thought, Kankri's hive was actually really messy. It reminded you of all the college dorms you had seem in romcoms- granted, there were usually wild parties going on at the time. He led you in quietly and offered for you to sit down on his couch. When you both sat down, he greeted you with a warm smile and said, "it's good to see you again Karkat, I'm glad you decided to visit. It was getting rather boring here and I was probably going to go crazy here." And then he quieted. You wonder if you shouldn't have come- he probably didn't want to see you after only one visit. And you had treated him like shit when you had first met him.

You scoff and roll your eyes. "Yeah, and I'm the life of the party. No, it's boring on the meteor too. As you can see, I fell asleep. It was either this or listen to strider work on his outdated raps." He grins and you feel a smile tugging at your lips too. 

"I feel you have no right to complain- I have been dead for at least a million sweeps, and one can read the Sherlock Holmes series so many times. One cherishes when someone new comes along. I feel as if my friends have turned into gossip machines, we all want to hear news and it spreads like wildfire. I cannot say that I have excluded myself from these activities." He says.

"Well you have a good point there. If I were you I probably would've snapped sweeps ago, now that shit takes patience." Kankri raises an eyebrow at you but says nothing, and you mentally scold yourself for cursing. "So is there anything you want to do?" You ask in a bored tone, slinging your arms on the ratty couch arm. 

"That's what I've been saying, there is absolutely nothing to do here. Maybe we could go and ask someone if they have anything to do, or we could just... Walk around, I suppose?" He asks, and when you look up you see a faint blush on his cheeks. You roll your eyes. He blushed a lot. But then again, so do you. And it always happens to be around the same guy.

"So basically you're asking me out on a date." You say suspiciously. It did almost sound like he was asking you out on a date, in a matter of speaking. He looks up at you and begins waving his arms frantically.

"What? N-no, I wasn't asking you out on a date, I don't go on dates! I am a cellibate and try not to get myself involved in romantic or quadrant like relationships, in case you were wondering! And besides, there are only a few people I would break my celibacy for! And they are all either in a relationship or like someone else!" He said nervously. You laugh- watching his display was kind of cute.

"Shoah, calm yourself dude. I was just kidding- I like someone else too. But I feel you. Maybe I should become a celibate too." You say and laugh again. You felt really at ease when you were around Kankri- you don't know if it was because his quiet personality fit well with your loud one, or if it was just because you were with someone who understood what you were going through. "Well then, it looks like we're heading out!" You say and grin again. It looks like you two were going on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get out! It's just... Bluh. This chapter was probably shit was I feel like I threw it together last minute, so I might redo it later. So tell me what you think! By the way, if you are following any if my other fics I'm letting you know that they're updating soon.


	4. In which Kankri is secretly an octopus in his sleep and Dave makes an appearance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri goes to Porrim and sorts out his feelings. Sort of. 
> 
> Karkat ends up going to said troll for a place to sleep and ends up getting more than he bargained for.
> 
> Dave is Dave. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys look who's not dead
> 
> Seriously though, it took me eight fucking months to motivate myself enough to write this bullshit. Which I finished in like a week.
> 
> But I have a long trip coming up with NO internet, so expect another update by next month at most. At least by two weeks. Maybe less if I start tomorrow. 
> 
> But I am seriously SO sorry for taking so long to update. I am a piece of shit with no motivation, and then when I do I can't write for shit and it ends up looking like something a five year old would write. Plus at one point my computer broke down, but I can't keep using excuses.
> 
> For those of you who have followed my other johndave fic, I am planning on deleting it and starting a new one. Keep on the lookout for it. 
> 
> Please enjoy this pile of dung that I call writing.

Your name is KANKRI VANTAS and you are not sure how you feel about anything at all anymore. 

It started when your dancestor, Karkat Vantas, asked you out on what you think was a pale date. It started as all pale dates started, with regularly walking around and making small talk. The two of you didn't hold hands like in the movies; you had only just met a couple of days ago, after all; and only people with lesser common sense pursued a relationship that quickly. After all, look what happened in troll Romeo and Juliet. 

You didn't talk about much at first; the two of you had only decided to walk together to- ahem- "get away from all the bullshit" as your shorter, grumpy companion put it. In the end, that was how the two of you ended up 'bonding'. You talked about the similarities and differences of Beforus and Alternia, and about your group of friends that you entered the medium with. Despite what you had thought at first, Karkat was actually able to hold an intellectual conversation. Just with slightly more obscenities than you would have cared for. 

As it turns out, Alternia was actually a very dark and depressing place from what you put together. Meenah had in fact, lived up to the queen she wanted to be. You can see why she obsesses over the Condesce so much (not that you yourself would ever want to; judging by the way she revered the caste system, you would take Beforus any day). Yet you felt sort of wounded. The trials you had gone through on your own planet seemed like nothing compared to what Karkat had gone through. 

Then you talked about your ancestors. Karkat was very intrigued by your stories of your glorious ancestor, whom you had looked up to for many sweeps. He then told you about your own scratch counterpart; the Signless, who later became known as the Sufferer. There was not much you did not already know about him, though.

You began to feel a bit better after that. 

It was then that the two of you realized that during your engaging conversation, you had gotten lost. It was almost funny, watching Karkat kick the wall of some old hive and shout curse words at nothing. (After he was done laughing, he then scolded Karkat for using such language. Although some of those words were quite creative). So you two decided to try opening one of the doors to see what was inside.

You spent a long while exploring the abandoned hives and got quite a fair amount of items (ranging everywhere from boondollars to a blood stained thong, which both of you ignored). It was then that Karkat pointed out that the sun had gone down and that it would be best for you if you began to head home, wherever that was. By the time both of you collapsed on the floor of your hive, it was probably well past midnight, or whatever qualifies as midnight in a dream bubble. 

Then Karkat had to go back to the meteor, or wherever he had to go. The goodbye was kind of awkward, the two of you standing in front of your door, avoiding eye contact. (You immediately remember the countless romance movies you had seen, and how cliche this goodbye was.) "So..." You had begun, but Karkat cut you off. 

"Usually a scene like this in a romance movie ends with a kiss but you know and I know that there is no way in hell that we are doing that right now." He rambles frantically, face sort of a red color. "But you know, I did sort of have a lot of fun today. I guess. So, thanks for that. A lot of people told me that you were the most obnoxious person they had ever met- although I don't think so, have you even MET Vriska?- but I don't think you're as bad as they say." 

You decide to take that as a compliment; it seemed like it was supposed to be. Karkat continues. "Yeah, you're actually a pretty cool person when you're not being all uptight. So, try to stay a little more relaxed, got it?" 

"Yes, I believe I do need to unwind myself a little more." You find yourself agreeing. It was then when Karkat stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you awkwardly. Was this supposed to be a hug? If so, it felt nice. Karkat felt warm against you, and you found yourself thinking 'I could get used to this'. Then Karkat pulled away (you felt a slight pang as the warmth left you), face completely red, and he turned around and ran away. 

You walked back into your hive quietly, contemplating (and forgive the expletive) what the hell had just happened. Your dancestor had just hugged you- which is a very pale action, mind you- and you hand enjoyed it. If it had been a second longer, you probably would've hugged him back. Oh gog, just thinking about it made you want to bury your face in a pillow and stay there for a thousand years; an act which could actually happen, considering you were dead.

You... guessed that you... sort of had a little pale crush on your dancestor. Which was NOT supposed to happen; the two of you had only known each other for all of two days, and were almost related. Wouldn't that count as incest to even consider any quadrant with him? Plus, you had sworn you wouldn't consider any quadrant with anyone a long time ago. 

But... You just couldn't shake the oddly weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that made you feel like the lovesick girl in one of the many romance movies you had stacked in piles in front of your tv. Mulling it over for a while, you decide to go to the best person for this type of problem. Maybe she would be able to help you sort out these sudden feelings.

\---

Porrim Maryam was the best person you know qualified to help you with your "problem". After sitting in the couch for god knows how long, you decided that it was time to stop being a sorry excuse of a troll and go visit her. Especially after you blew her off earlier, you think that you owe her an apology.

Porrim, as usual, was standing in front of a mannequin, a deep look of concentration in her face. She hadn't even noticed your arrival yet. You clear your throat loudly, making Porrim jump. "Oh, Kanny! I didn't think I would see you for a while. You seemed upset earlier, I thought you had gone and holed yourself in your room again." 

"No," you shake your head and look around the room. It had been a while since you had been in here, and you felt like a stranger of sorts. "I'm fine. I hope I did not scare you with my arrival?" She shook her head kindly. You nod and continue. "I actually came here for... advice of sorts. I was hoping that you would listen to me and help me out?" 

She nods and sits down on her old love seat, gesturing for you to sit down next to her. "Wow, it's been a while since you've come to me for help. Sit down and tell mama Porrim everything that's been troubling you." 

"Mama Porrim...?" Whatever. You sit down and mull over what you're going to say. "Well, let's say I have this friend, which may be a little weird for me. But he's been having this problem; he's beginning to feel an attraction toward one of his friends that he's just made; and he's not quite sure if it's pale or flushed." 

"Go on," she prompts. 

You nod. "And he doesn't really want to freak his friend out; they've known each other for a short amount of time, and it's so sudden for him. And he doesn't know if his friend feels the same way; he says that they've engaged in pale actions, such as sitting in a pile and talking about their problems the way moirails do and they've hugged."

Porrim's eyes sparkle with amusement. "Oh really? Please, go on." 

"So he asked me if I had any idea what to do. I've seen plenty of romance movies, after all, and he thought that I would have some idea of how to help him with his problem. So, I came to you. You might have an idea of what to do." You finish, letting out a breath. Porrim thinks for a minute.

"I see. So you and Karkat are ready to pursue a pale relationship?" 

"P-Porrim!" You stutter. She gives you a knowing look as if to say 'give it up.' You sigh, shoulders sagging a little. "How did you know? Was I that transparent?" 

She laughs. "It's not that hard to tell. You have many acquaintances, but not many close enough to call a friend. Yet, you and the younger Vantas already seem to be good friends. Plus, you two seemed to get along very well from what I saw." 

You blush, not for the first nor last time. (You are kind of beginning to feel like a blushing virgin). "You saw us talking together?" 

She nods. "It looked like more than talking to me. Your body language said it all. You were standing awfully close, and your hands were brushing against each other 'accidentally'. The scene was kind of endearing, if I may be so bold." You close your eyes, recalling what had happened earlier. Had the two of you been standing too close? You do recall your hands touching occasionally, but not enough to indicate that you wanted to hold hands, right?

You bury your face in your hands. "I guess so... it's just kind of-"

"Is the prospect of wanting to share a quadrant with someone even though you've never wanted to before scaring you? Or is it the fact that the both of you have only known each other for a short while and what you're feeling might scare Karkat away?" She asks, patting your back kindly. The gesture comforts you somehow.

"Both, I guess." You mumble into your sweater. 

"Well, I guess all I can say is that if you are feeling these things, it's natural. I can't say that every troll wants to pursue a quadrant at least once in his life, but if you're getting these feelings, I say go for it. Chances are it's mutual. Besides, who hasn't thrown caution to the wind when it comes to relationships? I say, if you're both feeling it, and you wish to go pale, then do it and worry about what comes later. That's what I always do."

"Yes, and exactly how many pale relationships have you been in?" You ask in an almost teasingly tone and watch her face flush green.

"That is none of your concern! Is this what I get for trying to help you?" You laugh quietly as she chucks a pillow at your face. You raise an eyebrow and stare at her silently. "... 27."

"Really? Wow, I guess that means I owe Cronus 100 boondollars then..." 

"You were betting on- oh my god, Kanny! I hope Karkat knocks some sense into that bratty head of yours!"

\---

You yawn and stretch quietly, surveying the room around you. Like the rest of the hive, your room is just as plain and barren; however in here, many more piles of books and random sweaters were littered around the room. You have absolutely no idea where everyone gets the idea that you're a neat freak- you think that you're probably the messiest of all trolls, and anyone who has ever been granted the pass into the gaping black hole that was mistakenly called your room can vouch for that. 

On your bed, covered by a pile of clothes you had bothered to clean earlier that morning, was your beloved laptop. You shuffle over to it and throw yourself onto the pile, rummaging around for your beloved piece of technology. 

Although you are sometimes embarrassed to admit it, your laptop is probably one of your most prized possessions (right up there with your signed copy of _A Wrinkle in Timelines_ ). Ever since you died, though, you have never been able to connect to google chrome or anything, so updating your blog was out of the question. 

You cringe as you realize how many of your friends might have been relieved at that.

You understand that your thoughts and opinions were skewed, and followed the 'angry teen social justice blogger' trope. Numerous people, such as Latula and Aranea, had pointed this out to you during your numerous rants. That was one of the reasons many people often ran away from your lectures or rants. (That and you had no idea when to shut up)

So you decide to write the day's events down in your electronic... journal (you have decided to call it that so your pride wouldn't have to suffer because you sounded like a hormonal teenage girl when in fact, you were a considerably less hormonal teenage troll who died right before he finished puberty) and attempt to go to sleep. 

But it turns out that fate has other plans for you, you realize as two loud voices jolt you awake just at you had been getting comfortable.

"Dude, what are we even doing here"

"Shut up you goddamn Stridork!" 

The first person snorts. "Wow. That's original."

"You know what? Why don't you do everyone a favor by sticking your head so far up your ass that you'll fuck yourself from the inside out!" Person two pauses. "Anyway, it's not like I want to be out here with you anyway. We just both happened to fall off the goddamn meteor right- I repeat, _right_ as it was exiting the dream bubble, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut."

You pause. Now that you listen, the second person sounds a little bit like Karkat. Especially with THAT mouth. (You take a note of the insult he used. You'll have to use that one for when your especially angry with someone yourself -coughcronuscough-)

"Why are we even here, anyway? I mean, don't the other trolls live in the other direction? The older versions of you guys, I mean. C'mon, I wanna know what nubs McShouty looks like when he's older. Hopefully he doesn't look like the mess you turned out to be."

"We're around here because I know someone who had a hive. Filled with food. And it's actually liveable." Karkat pauses as if thinking. "Wait, that last part is debatable. If he's actually anything like me then it might be the messiest goddamn place in the universe. We don't know." 

"Wow, really? The way you talk is so cute, Karkles." 

(You brush of the twinge of jealousy. Not that you wanted to be the one down there calling Karkat cute or anything. Nope.) "Shut up, I'm not cute. I'm a creature of the night." 

"Cuuuuute."

You hear a loud slam and someone grunting in pain. "Oh look, we're here." 

Karkat pounds his fist on your door. "Hey, are you awake? We kinda need a place to crash for the night!" 

\---

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you are laughing your ass off right now. Why?

The guy in question that Karkat had spoken so highly of has just opened the door to the (honeycomb? Bee house? You don't know, just that they call their houses by some weird name that makes you think of bees) with the messiest bedhead you had ever seen. And he was drooling slightly. And he was wearing flannel pajamas with hearts on them. 

So much for the _"guy so calm and collected- most of the time- that you need to resist the urge to ask if he literally has a pole shoved up his ass."_

The dead troll rubs white eyes with his hands before shooting Karkat a small glare. "... 's dark thirty o clock Karkat..." He shifts his gaze to you. "And who's your friend...?" 

You grin slyly. "I'm Dave Strider, but most people just call me awesome." You hold out your hand. The guy stares at it as if he's not sure what to do with it. Riiiiiiight. Your hand goes down back at your side where it belongs.

Kankri brightens up as if he's remembered something. "Karkat, isn't this the one that you walked in on wearing a bikini and singing California girls that one time?" 

Karkat laughs. Holy shit. "Dude, not cool. You don't go around telling bros about another bros business." 

It's Karkat's turn to grin smugly. You curse. Oh, how the tables have turned. For once your mortal enemy in the art of sick burns, one-upping, and rap battles has the upper hand. "What, are you embarrassed that I walked in on you practically cross dressing?" You see Kankri flinch as if he doesn't like that term. 

You pause too. That was totally not what you were expecting him to say. You didn't really care about the bikini part; the only part you were really embarrassed about was the fact that he walked in on you singing (you cannot sing well to save your life) "dude, I literally DO NOT care about the cross dressing. Destroy the idea that clothing ever had gender. The only thing that should be a problem is that a bikini doesn't do a good job of covering a guys junk. Besides, you see how boring it gets on that rock."

Karkat just stares at you before shaking his head and inviting himself inside the guy's house. 

 

The guy who just suddenly remembered that he had no idea who the hell you were.

"Karkat, please stop throwing yourself on my couch! Only I can do that! Oh, and I'm sorry for his rudeness. And mine. I didn't mean to say anything..." He pauses and yawns. "Anything about you. It's just that Karkat told me a story about it and that was the only thing that stuck. Oh, right, my name! I'm Kankri Vantas. You may have heard of me as either the Signless in Karkat's universe, or he may have referred to me as his dancestor."

_"He's... my friend. I'm not sure how to feel about him, only that I've only known him for two or three goddamn days and already I've got... pale feelings for him. At least I think they're pale. It's not like what I felt for Gamzee, which was really just a contract to make sure he didn't go batshit crazy. Which I failed at. But it doesn't feel like red romance or anything, like what I briefly felt for Terezi. Who is hatefucking my old moirail. Wow, I suck at quadrants. But I've fucked up all my other relationships, and I don't want to fuck this one up too."_

"Yeah, I've heard about you." You say and make yourself at home on the other side of the couch. Kankri comes and situated himself between you and Karkat; but you can't help but notice that he and Karkat naturally gravitate towards each other, just shy of touching. 

_"The guy's real spacey, apparently. Hates being close to people, hates being touched. Which I understand, I mean I have the same damn problem. Well... not problem really. I mean, who wants to be touched by you?"_

"So, what brings you guys out here? I mean, wouldn't you want to stay with anyone else? My hive isn't particularly the best place to stay. I guess one of you could sleep on the couch, but... the other one would probably have to share my bed. I hardly have any guests over. How long will you be planning on staying?" 

Karkat shrugs. "Not sure. However long it takes for the others to realize we're gone, I guess. And even longer for them to set up the- whatever the hell they have to do to get us back on the meteor. We fell off, and there's no getting back on. It only goes one fucking direction. Seriously, who designed this shit?" 

_"Apparently he hates curse words. Which is really one of the only points were different at, besides his annoying goddamn talking. Which it weird. I usually curse up a shitstorm so large hurricane sandy doesn't even compare to it. I mean, damn. It's not like I watch my language around him anyway. He'll call me out on it every once in a while."_

"How the heck do you even fall off of a meteor in the first place?" 

"I dunno. Do you have any food in here?" 

"I'll make you two something to eat." He gets up and walks to the kitchen. 

"I may as well go help him..." Karkat grumbles and follows soon after. 

You laugh silently. Well well well, it looks like little baby Karkat has grown up and found himself a love interest. You shed an ironic, fatherly tear. 

\---

Fuck the world. No, not in that way you sick bastard. 

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have officially decided that you hate Dave Strider. And not in the kismesis way, either. 

Apparently Kankri has absolutely no extra space or any blowup mattresses. Or any sopor slime, but everyone ran out of that shit long ago. (All anger aside, you are interested in the fact that Beforus doesn't use sopor or anything. The more you learn about it, the more you become interested in it). He had a couch, but you would rather die than ever share that with Dave. 

So it was either share a bed with Kankri, or share the couch with Dave (the asshole had fallen asleep on it right after they ate a meal of mostly cooked hot pockets and an old bottle of coke, winking at the two of them and telling them to 'stay safe. You had never wanted to strangle a person more than in that moment) and right now the former looked to be the more promising. 

Unfortunately, Kankri was already fast asleep and tossing around on the large bed, (Dave called it a full bed. Full? He didn't get it. What was it full of? Animal entrails?) leaving you very confused and wondering how to position yourself when he was literally taking up almost the entire bed.

You contemplate sleeping on the floor.

Nope, you think with a sigh as you attempt to crawl in next to Kankri only to be kicked off slightly after. You were fucking tired, and your back would hurt like a bitch if you slept on the ground. 

It wasn't that you didn't want to sleep with your dancestor or anything. (You mean share a bed, goddamnit) But when said dancestor proves to be a fucking bedhog with a space complex, one doesn't know _how_ to sleep with him. 

You decide to fuck it.

You lightly push at him until he's rolled over enough to give you space and crawl in next to him. He grips at the blanket and mumbles something before rolling right back to his previous position; which happens to be right on top of you. Fuck everything. 

So right now you're tired, still hungry, you need to take a shit, and now you're slowly being suffocated by what could possibly be the warmest person in existence. You've... been at this for a while. But at lease it was better than attempting to curl up in a pile of fuck knows what and try to sleep while your ex-moirail is honking in the vents and scaring the living shit out of you.

You wonder if anyone had noticed your absence. Probably not; the only impression you left on people was grumpy, probably hates your guts, and needs five cups of coffee like Dave needs five cups of shut the fuck up. They'd probably think it's quieter around the place though. 

Then Kankri decides to be a dumbass.

Before it was only his back crushing you; limbs sprawled out and trapping you kind of like a cage. But lord knows _that_ would never last long, you mutter to yourself as he ever so slowly rolls himself around until he's resting on his side. You feel his hipbone digging into your-

You know what? You're not even going to say it. But it hurts like a bitch.

Then as if THAT wasn't bad enough, Kankri decides to shift himself again, until the two of you are stomach to stomach and he's lying on top of you like you see in sex movies or on the shitty porn videos Sollux showed you when you were younger (some of those positions were fucking unreal). You blush uncomfortably. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, now you had that godawful image in your head. 

But it seems god is willing to cut you a break for once and NOT make things awkward in front of your pale-crush (there was no denying it anymore. You were fucking palecrushing on Kankri) and he squirms from his current position- using your head as a pillow- down to a more comfortable one. 

You look down at his sleeping form in the dim lighting. He did sort of look kind of cute. And he was drooling on your sweater. And wrapping his limbs around you and clinging to you like a goddamn octopus. You feel your face heat up slightly. 

You settle in for a long night.

Fuck the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not that late here but I am tired as balls so if you see any editing mistakes please tell me
> 
> Will update soon (with more gay x10)

**Author's Note:**

> What even is life


End file.
